Written on March 29, 2020.
This week has brought to me many different experiences of emotions as the virus turns our whole world upside down both externally and internally for many. Many people in life have not been without some sort of trauma that in the end turned out to have taught them a lesson that inspired profound and positive change.
While I hope this to be the outcome many will experience, many may also be experiencing a dark night of the soul moment at this very time.
Last week, each day brought a different experience for me. I share this with you, my reader, to know the importance of being fully awake. To not run from what you are experiencing but to embrace it, let it move through you and perhaps transform you.
Monday brought a deep need to run away. Deep into the woods far removed from civilization. An overwhelming feeling of uncertainty and disbelief.
Tuesday, I was planning to move forward with developing my online business. It began to feel hard as resistance surfaced. Taking action felt like moving through quicksand. I entered into an internal place of fear and regret. I feared to allow myself to open up to be more vulnerable to more people in the world. Afraid of the judgment and criticism that would come. I do not want fame. What if people know the real me? Surely, they would judge me. Condemn me. I had been playing big enough. No more, I don’t want to give of myself anymore. I felt regret over leaving a secure bank job to become self-employed. If I knew then what I know now I would have stayed and allowed myself to grow in a successful career there.
I had risked so much -- and for what? Self-pity and doubt surrounded me for the day.
Wednesday brought surrender and detachment. I surrounded myself with relaxing healing music and love, love of self. I allowed myself to sink into who I am. My grace, love, gift, and heart. Knowing I could best serve the world from this place.
Thursday, as I sat in mediation, energy moved through me. A light illuminated inside that shined to all the dark places. Files opened to memories of all the past experiences that I felt shame and embarrassed over. These dark emotions were inside little pockets all over my body and the light moved within sealing or clearing these spaces. I realized it was these dark places that didn’t want me to grow, it was afraid of growing.
At that moment, I also realized that I have persevered through these dark places in the past as I moved towards living my truth and stepping into my authentic self. I was now faced with a new choice to not grow and play bigger or play big and grow.
I have come to know my gifts and talents.
I have felt the empowerment of living from my own intuition, listening to, and receiving inspired information.
I have been serving the world with all my heart.
Friday arrived with deep internal reflection. Why? Why am I doing this business? In the past, I might have been motivated for the attainment of money. But that is not it, because I had given more of me than what has been returned or received from a monetary way at this point.
My why became crystal clear.
My purpose is to use my gifts and talents to light the way for women of the past who did not have control over there lives.
Women of the future who are seeking to find their way of living a truly empowered life. Life on their terms. A life of happiness, filled with passionate healthy relationships and of wealth. Having wealth that opens the door for women in managing their own money. Women who want the ultimate freedom and to live a prosperous life.
Saturday arrived full of choice. The choice is mine. To BE fully awake, to take care of me to prepare to show up and serve the world when the world is ready.
Take forward steps even if they are small in moments.
Trust, believe, and let go.
It’s my life work, expressed through my business to teach women to take control of their finances and live an empowered abundant life.